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He may rightfully determine that if his exclusive girlfriend handles her insecurity by insisting that she “circular date”, he could find a healthier relationship without all the drama, fear, and insecurity. We don’t have to live our lives as mere victims of our feelings.After all, just because you feel something doesn’t necessarily make it true.All I’m saying is that if you’re with a man who believes in marriage, you have to allow him to come to his own conclusions over time.And if you think you’re restricting your options by being faithful, then, by all means, circular date.And because way too many women have invested way too much time in men who decided that they didn’t want to get married, CDing is, presumably, a way of protecting oneself.My argument against circular dating has nothing to do with a failure to understand women’s needs, a defense of selfish commitmentphobes, or a personal axe to grind against Rori or her readers.

If I didn’t marry my wife after 16 months of dating, it wouldn’t mean that I knowingly used her for that time. Aren’t you thinking clearly about his flaws and whether you can live with them for the rest of your life? This is too inconsistent for me and I need to feel safe. Do you really want to be in that relationship for 35 years, where he’s so selfish or such a poor communicator that you never know where you stand?

Even her own therapist told her that I was a normal guy and that she should temper her jealous overreactions.

So while I’ll never tell you that you’re not entitled to feel what you feel, if what you feel (anxiety, fear, insecurity) becomes your boyfriend’s problem – when he hasn’t done anything wrong – it’s really on you to deal in a healthier fashion.

If you saw a woman who was about to drive off a cliff, would you tell her? She’s plowing over orange cones and through the yellow police tape towards a towering precipice. And the faster she accelerates, the more frantic you get, watching her willingly (and confusingly) speed towards the chasm.

I’m even gonna bet that if you were witnessing something so damaging, you might even put yourself in harm’s way to protect the innocent drivers.

My argument against circular dating centers around only one simple premise: If you have a boyfriend who is consistent and kind and also wants to be married one day, and you tell him, in a moment of insecurity, that you can’t stand waiting any longer – “it’s been seven months and we’re not engaged, so I’m going to start seeing other men” – you’re essentially taking a dagger to the heart of your relationship.

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