As nervous as I was, I had the skill and confidence of an experienced JDater.
I knew all the stories of a bad JDater and I learned from them.
I knew not to blurt out that I worked at a nice Wall Street job, or that I volunteered to serve in an IDF Combat Unit.
I had to subtly work this information into the conversation, so as not to come off as bragging.
You become depressed, lethargic, and emotionally distant. It includes flirting, a friendly hug, and lots of social conventions that we take for granted.
So what lunatic would be so stupid to listen to the notion that I'd be better off going after another ego trip? A lunatic obsessed with those fleeting, temporary, phony joys that in the end leave us more empty-hearted and cynical. This was the biggest conflict I ever faced in my life and I had no answers to resolve it. This article seemed tangentially related to what I was going through, so I clicked it on. It was an article by Rabbi Tzvi Fishman about Jewish sexual values. Some acts, like male-female interaction, hold tremendous amounts of spiritual energy.
As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get myself out of bed to get to work on time. My career advancement and salary suffered because of this pathetic habit.
But then, within days of taking on a bit of this mitzvah, I started waking up a lot earlier.
Over that unforgettable autumn, we saw a lot of each other. I don't have to contend with the nonsense of padding my ego by flirting with JDates. I was deathly afraid that I couldn't handle being married.
Her strength of character, the candor in every word she spoke, the warmth of her soul all overwhelmed me. She loved prayer, Torah study, and the Jewish people. The days of my personal depravity are finally over! I got so accustomed to a life of going out with one woman, and then another. It's been a couple of months and your ego has been satisfied. " Whenever my inner demon spoke, I wanted to throw up. If I couldn't resist the urge for egotistical boosts today by remaining focused on my fiance, how could I remain loyal to her for the rest of my life?I learned these lessons over years of fooling myself.